Who Would You Back? Really?

'Dave Solomon' on Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:46:34 GMT, sez:

Bruce Lee invented legs so he'd have something to beat you with when his arms got tired.
My cop-out answer to the top question? Deckard, since Blade Runner: The Final Cut is so fresh in my mind.

'Matt Casto' on Fri, 14 Mar 2008 13:40:30 GMT, sez:

Doby would totally kick Yoda's ass. Gollum would just run away.

'Michael' on Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:10:48 GMT, sez:

This is a trick question.

The only possible answer is Chuck Norris.

'Jason Stangroome' on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:40:22 GMT, sez:

In Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga on Wii you can unlock Indiana Jones and play him versus Hans Solo, deathmatch style.

Still not sure who I'd back but the answer is there, waiting.

'mike' on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:46:40 GMT, sez:

Dude, I thought that the dilemma was in that it was I-vs-I:

James Bond vs. Juan Sánchez Villa-Lobos Ramírez
Catwoman vs. Storm
"Dirty" Harry Callahan vs The Man With No Name
William Wallace vs. Mad Max

... like that.

'JosephCooney' on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 09:29:51 GMT, sez:

Alf vs. E.T. I'm going to go with E.T. on the ground of freakier powers. Ewoks vs. Oompa Loompas I'd probably back the Ewoks _IF_ (and this is a big if) they're in the forest of the 3rd moon of Endor, if it was in the chocolate factory I might go with the 'loompas. Joan of Arc and The Flying Nunn is hard, but I'm going to go with Joan since she (alegedly) wore armour, lead and army and founght in battles, and flying (while hard to dispute it's usefulness) isn't a great offensive skill. Churchill vs. Don Corleone is still too close to call.

'Peter' on Sat, 15 Mar 2008 10:23:40 GMT, sez:

* Rocky versus Rambo?

Dunno'. Never seen a Rambo film.


* Fidel Castro versus John F Kennedy?

Castro is a former guerilla leader, has survived dozens of assassination attempts, and could deliver a 7 hour speech at the drop of a chance. Kennedy was a bit of a playboy.

Castro FTW


* Jesus versus Buddha?

If we're going on physical condition, then I'd say Jesus. He was raised as a carpenter -- before power tools! -- and lasted three days on the cross, so I reckon he was a pretty tough guy.

But we can't just ignore who they were. Jesus was both fully human and fully divine; Buddha had transcended the illusion of physical existence. Does it even make sense to compare them on the physical plane?

Let's call it a draw.


* Abraham Lincoln v Richard Nixon?

Lincoln has a great height advantage. (This was why, when challenged to a duel, Lincoln opted for swords rather than pistols.)

Lincoln FTW


* Hitler v Chairman Mao?

Ooh. Well, if memory serves (and I may well be wrong about this) Chairman Mao was a football player in his youth, whereas Hitler was a failed artist.

Mao FTW


* Gandhi v Mother Theresa?

I think Gandhi's practice of ascetism and physical discipline would give him the edge. And he's male, which helps.

Gandhi FTW


* Bradman v Pharlap?

Who?


* Gandalf vs Spock? (note this is Gandalf the grey, not ol' whitey)

Spock's great intellect normally gives him a useful edge, but not in this case. Gandalf is pretty smart himself. He also wears one of the rings of power. (This is, presumably, how he could prevail against the Balrog.)

Gandalf FTW


* Dumbledore v Mr Miyagi?

Who's Mr Miyagi?


* Bruce Lee v Ryu (from Street Fighter)?

C'mon! This is Bruce Lee we're talking about!

Bruce Lee FTW


* Michael Knight v Astroboy?

Let's not go there.


* Newton v Einstein?

Newton seems to have been better at applying his giant intellect to practical matters. Even was a small, frail child, but he could still win a who-can-jump-the-farthest contest by holding his jacket open and letting the wind catch him. I reckon that, if pressed, he could come up with a clever way to beat his opponent to a bloody pulp.

Einstein? He nearly got himself killed in an experiment designed to find the ether. He couldn't even remember to put his socks on for his oath of alliegance. Not a man you'd want covering your flank.

Newton FTW


* Webster v Arnold?

Who are they?


* Tron v Neo?

The fight would have to be in the real world; neither would be fooled by the illusion of VR. This puts Neo at a disadvantage. He spent his formative years floating in a fishtank, having the Volts sucked out of him, and never used his body until he was in his 30s.

On the other hand, Neo knows every martial art that there is, and he reacts *fast*. Even with his fregile bones, stiff joints, and limited cardio-vascular capacity, he could still beat Tron, as long as he stays within his limits. But Neo has made a career out of transcending the limits of the reality in which he finds himself. In the heat of battle, the temptation to attempt a dangerous high-kick or impossible leap would be too strong. Neo would be more of a danger to himself than to Tron.

Tron FTW


* Kevin Mitnick v Matthew Broderick in War Games?

Matthew Broderick was just a script-kiddie who got lucky. He never even learned to swim! Mitnick is the real deal. Prison probably toughened him up, too.

Mitinck FTW


* Terminator v R2D2?

Do you even have to ask?

I've listed my own suggestions for whom these two should fight at the end.


* Sarah Connor v John McClane?

What a waste! Make love, not war. If we mate these two, they could produce the ultimate survivor.

Draw -- fight degenerates into hot sex.


* Socrates v Nietzsche?

Socrates had the balls to drink the hemlock, when he could have saved himself by going into exile.

Nietzsche was full of crap. He wrote, "When you go to a woman, bring a whip." In truth, women were his downfall. Lou Salomé totally messed with his head, and some unknown prostitute gave him syphlis, which also messed with his head.

Nietzsche's arrogance wouldn't help, either. Socrates would just play dead and then, while Nietzsche was strutting about, boasting of his Master Morality, Socrates would sneak up behind him and clout him on the back of the head.

Socrates FTW


* Ewoks v Oompa Loompas?

I had to think carefully about this one.

The Ewoks have true warrior spirit. They took on the Storm Troopers, and won!

The Oompa Loompas are disciplined and malleable. Excellent soldier material. But they are also bloody stupid. I mean, seriously, go and work in the world's biggest chocolate factory and get paid in -- cocoa beans? WTF!?

I reckon the Ewoks could come up with creative ways to confuse the Oomps Loompas command and control structures, and the Oompa Loomps would become so confused that they'd turn on each other. The Ewoks would then just have to mop up.

Ewoks FTW



* Babbage v Pascal?

Babbage would make an excellent dinner-guest, but if I wanted to get something done, I'd call for Pascal.

Pascal FTW


* Voldemort v Vader?

Voldemort has enough trouble smuggling himself into a poxy little boarding school. Darth Vader built a Death Star. No contest.

Vader FTW


* Frodo v Skywalker? (luke, that is) (pre jedi training) (i say skywalker's got him on reach)

I'm not so sure.

Frodo does have a special talent of his own. Like all hobbits, Frodo has a natural talent for stealth and concealment, so he could launch a sneak attack. The question then becomes: would Skywalker's untrained force powers be enough to protect him from this kind of attack?

Unclear.


* Gollum v Yoda v Doby -- all-in freak brawl!

Dunno' who Doby is, but of course Yoda could beat Gollum with one hand tied behind his back. Did you see the little fella' go in Attack of the Clones? Like a green power-ball with an erection!

But if Yoda were to ever try the ring on, he would experience a slow, agonising descent to the Dark Side. Would Yoda have the wisdom to forebear? I fear not. Yoda is more warrior than sage, and the Jedi council is too dumb to notice a Dark Jedi in their midst.

So, ultimately, both lose.


Now some suggestions of my own:

* R2D2 v Davros (or a generic Dalek, if you prefer)
* The Terminator v Johnny 5
* The Borg v The Culture
* Jimmy Swaggart v Eliot Spitzer
* L Ron Hubbard v Elron (from Lord of the Rings)
* Winston Churchill v Margaret Thatcher
* Leon Bambrick v 75 well trained, highly motivated 5 year old children
* Oompa Loompas v The Goblins (from Labyrinth)
* Hercules v Ulysses
* Captiain Scarlett v Mumm-Ra the Everliving
* Doraemon v The Genie (from Disney's Aladdin)
* Condelezza Rice v Eleanor Roosevelt

'Andy Brice' on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 13:00:04 GMT, sez:

>Fidel Castro versus John F Kennedy?

Easy. Castro. He is still alive (just).

>Gandhi v Mother Theresa?

Gandhi, assuming he was able to overcome his non-violence. He was used to taking a beating and wore less restrictive clothing.

'Bob Armour' on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 09:30:03 GMT, sez:

Leon,

You're missing the point of the original two questions. The dilemma is introduced by the fact that the characters involved in the fight are both played by the same actor.

Surely I'm not the only one to spot this?

More suggestions for you.

Ironsides v Perry Mason
'The man with no name' v Dirty Harry

And for the british readers...

Doctor Who (3rd incarnation) v Wurzel Gummidge.
Del boy v Granville.

'lb' on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 20:58:56 GMT, sez:

@Bob Armour
how about:
Wurzel Gummidge v Olivander

'JosephCooney' on Wed, 19 Mar 2008 09:19:13 GMT, sez:

Bob - to me these kinds of questions are more about trying to come up with interesting match-ups from different contexts, and then having important philosophical discussions about matters like: if frodo were fighting luke [skywalker OFC] would sting be able to parry a lightsaber? You would think not, but in games like Knights of the Old Republic there are non-lightsaber weapons that CAN! Would mithril be able to deflect a lightsaber blow? Could luke sense frodo thru the force if he had the one ring on? Would the resistance that frodo shows against the powers of the ring also suggest he would be able to resist force mind-tricks? We all know that luke couldn't really fight his way out of a wet paper-bag, and that luke v. tellitubbies would be a blood-bath but could a human the size of a small child take him? I'm thinking probably yes.

'Bob Armour' on Thu, 20 Mar 2008 08:45:02 GMT, sez:

I'm sticking with my 'Different character, same actor' line.

Yoda v Fozzie Bear?

'JosephCooney' on Tue, 25 Mar 2008 08:57:45 GMT, sez:

Magneto vs. Gandalf? hard to call....
Rick Moranis vs. Bill Gates? You mean they're not the same person!!!!
R2D2 vs. Thomas the Tank Engine? R2
Biggles vs. Alan Quatermain? In africa - Quatermain, in the baltic, maybe Biggles.
Vader vs. Big Bird? I dunno, big bird has got him on reach....

'Duncan' on Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:18:00 GMT, sez:

Kennedy v Castro

Castro survived plenty of close shaves with a bullet...

it only took them one go to get Kennedy... soft in my books; but how many it took to do the job we'll never know.

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