"Architect" is a swear word.

Ah! that's it!

I've often wondered what people really mean when they said 'Architect' while talking about software.

None of the literal meanings seem to capture the way the word itself is applied in this context. But I think I've hit the thing on the noggin at last.

A 'swear word' is a word whose literal meaning differs wildly from its contextual intent -- and whose intent can be bent to suit a great many contexts.

Take 'F---', for example. The word has a literal meaning, something like 'To copulate vigorously' -- but in actual use, the intent is generally bent to suit the context.

For example, when I hit my thumb with a hammer I say "F---!" and in that context the meaning is: "It hurts a lot when I hit my thumb with a hammer."

Or, when I get a flat tyre I say "F---!" and it means, "This flat tyre is an unexpected interruption to my day that will cause undue expense and wasteful exertion." The quickest way to say all that is simply "F---!".

Now imagine there is a guy in your organisation whose coding skills are terribly out of date, but who is not capable of performing any managerial duties.

If someone asks you, "Who is that guy?" then you probably won't waste your breath by saying, "Him? A guy whose coding skills are terribly out of date, but who is not capable of performing any managerial duties." Instead you'll permit yourself to emit a nasty little swear word and simply say, "Him? Architect." Ouch!

Now, just say you work with an impractical fool with an over-inflated sense of self-importance who destroys whatever thing he touches, never ceasing to bring layers of accidental complexity to even the simplest of contrivances, but who is, thankfully, kept out of harm's way by being assigned the task of writing grandiose-titled corporate documents that no one is ever expected to read. When someone asks you who that guy is, you draw your breath in deep, and prepare to say:

"Him? An impractical fool with an over-inflated sense of self-importance who destroys whatever thing he touches, never ceasing to bring layers of accidental complexity to even the simplest of contrivances, but who is, thankfully, kept out of harm's way by being assigned the task of writing grandiose-titled corporate documents that no one is ever expected to read." So, again, you'd just curse and say "Him? Architect?"

Dear Leon,

Long time reader, first time poster.

So what you are saying is that swear words are like generics in C#? I can substitute my intention at run time, but reuse the same class?

Waiting in anticipation,
Steven Nagy

@Snagy
You may be onto something there.
Maybe they're more like a "Method Missing" invocation in a dynamic language.

Something happens at runtime for which there is no existing definition, but for whcih there is an urgent need to find an appropriate word. So, you call on one of these generic words, which are pre-configured to have hot swappable definitions.

Then, if a subscriber to your verbal stream happens tries to call-back into the definition for the emitted instruction, you can block the thread and generate a context specific assembly at run time.

(I don't know quite what i was saying there, but if you try to follow along it can be a lot of fun.)

lb

Bravo, Leon, bravo.

The exchange with Snagy is worth its own post, or at least an update to the main post.

"Programming starts out like it's going to be architecture..." "...has this nasty tendency to turn into plumbing."

--great (related) article at Dead Programmer,
see link!

lb

I completely agree with the calculation of value of the types of people you are describing encountering. Anybody whom, out of laziness, incompetence, or intent, doesn't contribute actively to a project in terms of people or skill; or, whom contributes in any way a destructive input to a project/team is well deserving of immediate, laser focused, and vitriolic response if not immediate dismissal.

That said, I do have issue with the assertion that the word Architect is the primary nomen for those described. It doesn't appear, from your examples, that you believe the word Architect to actually have many flexible connotations across the spectrum of negative to positive connotations that might exist.

Indeed, it strikes me as solely negative, given there are no positive examples in your prose and I struggle to imagine a positive expression of the word "Architect" that doesn't end up making me sound like Pauly Shore, or either "Bill and Ted", or any reasonably stoned Southern Californian.

With only negative connotations, the word loses its ability to be compared with the word "F---!" (a shorthand I find offensive in itself and which use I realize is not preferred on your part) due to this kind of flexibility: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26UA578yQ5g&feature=PlayList&p=8877344B6FE69DAF&index=0&playnext=1

Now, lest you think this entirely a ploy to get you to the link above, and having set the stage for my point, I shall make it:

Let us not besmirch in general the word Architect or the value of that skill to a software team, when properly approached and executed of course; rather, let us recognize that the word is commonly misapplied as a job title, resulting in it being reduced, in larger companies, to a euphemism enabling us to shorten our description of worthless people bearing that title (regardless of the precise combination of their ineptness) into a single word with no more effort than expressing a sarcastic tone of voice.

I deplore people whom give the role of Architect a bad name, being one myself: being pecked to death by ducks would seem a fitting fate for such.

Thank you for your consideration in this manner and an opportunity to put a few paragraphs together which I hope lands simultaneously in agreement with the spirit of your communication and yet encourages others not to demean the value of a true architect.

Any further complaints should be addressed to:

British Airways
One Heathrow Airport
London, England

Thank You.

A good friend who's a civil engineer told me he'd been working for years before he realised "f---ing architect" was two words.

Hey Leon - good to see that you're still working with my old friend - "the architect", and that he is still as useless today as he was 5 years ago ;-)

Fantastic blog post!! I think it summed up him, and others like him, quite well!

Nothing like sharing the pain.

I have NO idea what that British Airways guy just said. I used all dem fancy words

"Architect" is a swear word.

Articles

Twitter, baby

Recommended Reading

Recommended blogs

Aggregated Links

Human Link Machines