MS Word -- Executive Edition

Executives and CEOs lose hours every day formatting their documents.

And this sick trend is only growing worse.

Average Number of Executive Hours wasted messing with formatting per week

Year		Average # Wasted Hours per week
1997		(0.5)
1998		(1.0)
1999		(1.3)
2000		(5.9)
2001		(6.5)
2002		(6.8)
2003		(8.1)
2004		(14.3)

Documentosis Affects Everyone

All too often, office-johnnies and cubicle-janes are called upon by CEOs to rescue sick documents.

Moribund documents whose basic formatting has been tortured, corrupted and pillaged for the loathsome pleasure of a fiddling CEO.

Alignment, margins, layout, spelling, formatting: no property is safe from the tweakings of these control-freak apex-predators.

And just as vampirism predominates at night, so Documentosis builds to a climax in the hours that precede a board meeting.

But there is hope...

The new Executive Edition of Microsoft Word aims to address this disease.

MS Word Executive Edition provides the power your CEO needs for writing:

• Mission Statements
• Corporate Mottos
• Memoranda

Without the gimmickry of:

• Headers and footers
• Print preview
• Margins
• 'bold', 'italic' and 'underlining'
• Numbered lists
• Spell check
• Thesaurus
• Tables

Once a CEO has completed her Executive Document, it can be emailed to a specialist trained to use the regular features of Word without causing Documentosis. The document specialist can then perform improve spelling, applying company templates and down-play egotistical statements.

Installing Executive Edition

Licensing restrictions mean that MS Word Executive Edition is only available for CEO's and top-level decision makers.

To install Executive Edition, execute this script:

   del "WinWord.exe"
   rename "Notepad.exe" "WinWord.exe"

(You'll have to work out the correct folder names for yourself)

Best of luck, office-johnnies and cubicle-janes!

_{[99% of these statistics are fictional]
[once again this is a joke-idea that i've begun to take seriously]}

'Omer van Kloeten' on Wed, 25 Aug 2004 14:38:59 GMT, sez:

Dear Mr. Geek,

I am writing you to thank you for your glorious idea.
I have spread a memo around my company, regarding your post and the fact that my time spent on document formatting ever since starting to use this technique has now come to a complete zero.

As all of our management team is now on an outdoor seminar, I can not give you their comments on the matter. I am sure that they will be happy to see that all of the documentation in our company has already been transformed into this new file type you have introduced us to: "txt"! I am still not sure about the meaning of this extension name, but I am sure you will be able to clear this up. The migration process is apparently seamless, as it seems content from Word Professional Edition can be copied and pasted into Word Executive Edition without any problems!

I am surprised that Word Executive Edition comes bundled with Windows. It seems like a program that may be profitable when sold separately.

Again, thank you for your valueable information. I would love to see more of this kind of tips on your site.

Best Regards,

Omer van Kloeten

'jason skilling' on Wed, 25 Aug 2004 21:00:23 GMT, sez:

my management team are on an outdoor seminar about outdoor seminars.

'Angus Logan' on Wed, 25 Aug 2004 23:23:53 GMT, sez:

Dude,

Stop making up vapour-ware!!!

I go around recommending Word EE & Excel Lite to my clients; looking for the installers...

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