The Greatest Chalk Talk Known To Man: 'Better than a license to print money: Build Your Own Tiny Software Company'

Argh! Help! The panic! The rush! The doubt!

I'm presenting a chalk talk at tech-ed Australia next week and I'm suitably freaked out.

This ought to be a tiny, insignificant affair. Just a 20 minute talk on a topic I'm intimately familiar with.

But instead the preparation is rapidly turning into a gigantic survey of the entire history of thought on the matter at hand. I've plumbing new depths of philosophical intrigue in a quest for value-added deliverables and other dilbert-esque buzzwords.

Are pyrotechnics allowed? While animations are expected, what about fireworks? Rockets? Formation squadrons of jet planes zooming past at key moments? Simple costumes, makeup, smoke machines? Should I do my funniest dance??

What level of sophistication does the audience expect from its lecturers? Can I apply for, complete and be awarded a PhD on the topic within the next five days? If not, then am I a fraud? What books can I read? What lectures can I download? What fonts can I use in the talk? What props would be considered suitable and what props would be banned by local fire/terrorism regulations?

All I've heard so far is that I'm talking on Thursday morning. My name isn't in the official itinerary yet -- but don't let that put you off. Buy a ticket anyway ;-). I'll be there, I guarantee it.

The topic is 'Better than a license to print money: Build Your Own Tiny Software Company'

With no Frank Arrigo left, I must carry on the mantle of the short, podgy and enthusiastic superhero, all alone.

Come up and say hi. I get terribly lonely. Hug me.

'Simon Munro' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 09:50:35 GMT, sez:

Well for starters, you have to have timesnapper running the whole time. During prep and the actual talk, so that you can see how much it has cost

'lb' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:08:28 GMT, sez:

cheers Simon.
no, the 'productivity filter' in timesnapper is not to be taken as a pure economic justification device ;-). We all know that life is far more complex than that.

instead i hope that the audience is filled with angel investors who will eventually pour billions into my pockets to help me develop my chocolate-ferrari business with which i will solve global/world hunger/warming.

this reminds me:
which is "warming" generally "global" while "hunger" is "world" ?

What about global hunger and world warming? surely they count too?

'Helen' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:14:39 GMT, sez:

:) I feel your pain. I'm giving a talk about Javascript on Monday that I've actually given before and already had slides for but I decided it had to be the best Javascript talk in the history of the world so it's not even close to being finished and I'm going to have to spend the whole weekend working on it.

Good luck for Thursday!

'lb' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:40:00 GMT, sez:

@Helen
best of luck dear Helephant.
I've read some of your javascript articles and you seem to sure know what you're doing.

Take a break on saturday afternoon. Then have sunday morning off, and sunday night. You'll be fine, really.

If anyone has some superhard questions just pull out your phone and say "Let's see what Douglas Crockford has to say about that, buddy!" -- then hold the phone to you ear for a moment, nodding and turn back to the audience member and say: "I'm sorry, but Douglas does not agree. Everything you're saying is invalid in a prototypical language. I have to ask you to leave now."

lb

'Matthew Wills' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:56:42 GMT, sez:

Make sure you update us when your session time is finalised. I am keen to attend.

'Ketan Patel' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:44:49 GMT, sez:

I hope those of us overseas will get a chance to see your talk at some point. That would be cool.

'lb' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:50:43 GMT, sez:

@Matthew & @Ketan
certainly and certainly.

'frank arrigo' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:24:22 GMT, sez:

good luck next week

but you do have competition in the the "short, podgy and enthusiastic superhero" - dont forget about the delicategenius http://delicategeniusblog.com/

'Ryan Smith' on Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:58:40 GMT, sez:

I say you need some topless exotic dancers for props.

Then everyone will love your presentation regardless of content.

I think the fireworks are a good idea too.

'David H' on Sun, 31 Aug 2008 20:11:26 GMT, sez:

If you want to engage your crowd, you just need a solid outfit. I'd be going for pyjamas, socks/thongs, white gloves and a FBI 'Female Body Inspector' hat. People will be so mezmerised they won't be able to figure out if you are a full blown genius or an idiot savant homeless guy (same thing really). Regardless, both will generate mucho post-talk chit chat.

'lb' on Sun, 31 Aug 2008 20:49:39 GMT, sez:

@David H:
Coincidentally, that's what I'm wearing right now.

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